Thursday, December 22, 2016

The 8 Rules of Dating: How to avoid a Fuck Boy.

A few short years ago I had never been on a date. Then I made a decision to step into the world of dating.


In short, I made the worst decision of my life. Lol jk. However, I have learned and created some important rules that I follow when it comes to dating.
I made a list of dating rules and advice from my friends over a year ago.

No really you should learn from my mistakes... 

But as we get older we, hopefully, get wiser and with that comes more advice. This is your revised dating rules.
Since you all love my relationship posts, hopefully this will be a hit for you.
Reading over that past post I wrote it is interesting to see how different my head space was before I knew the harsh cruel reality that the dating world really is.

And honestly, in 2016 it's a whole new game. It's hard to get advice from our parents because their playing field was really different. Even a couple of years ago tinder was NOT what it is now. It's an ever changing landscape at this point. And honestly, it's exhausting. Like eye roll exhaustion...

 I am not as bright eyed as bushy tailed as I was when I was like, "Yeah let's try out dating!" Now, as I cruise through bumble most of myself talk is, "You look like an asshole/fuck boy...annd it's a match. You will never commit, you will commit but you're profile picture with your mom is fucking weird...."
I have become a cold hearted bitch when it comes to dating but like any masochist I still do it. And yes of course it's still fun at some points.
No, but on the real, as a strong independent woman, this is all just fun!
Don't put a man in front of yourself and your dreams and goals honey. Go out there and make woman history, men will come and go, but you are beautiful and will do great things on your own no matter what.


With that being said, these are my rules, feel free to adapt at your own leisure-

I know you're excited. 
(disclaimer: if you don't agree with my list of rules I am totally not offended and I don't care. Whatever works for you works. This is not elite daily where I am trying to convince you I am completely right when I am totally off base. This is a completely biased post *news flash: the whole blog is* but if you don't agree feel free to utilize the internet to give your advice. This is simply what has worked for me.)

Rule 1.
Don't prioritize the boy. Having done time after time, I have finally learned my lesson. HELLO GAB?! OBVI. Boy or not, whatever you put before yourself, you lose first.
Unless he is literally Prince Charming and has cordially invited you to the ball, there is a slight probability of a chance he will bail. In whatever sense of the word, ie. had something else planned the same time, forgot you had makeshift plans, schedule something else he finds more important, never text you again, or just straight up cancels.
I don't care if you are Meghan Fox, if you are deep in the dating world there will be times you will get cancelled on. So make plans with yourself first and don't be afraid to say "no I'm busy."


2. And you know what, you don't have to be so readily available. If a guy ask you to go out and you have something say, "sorry I have plans, maybe a different day?" That's actually a rule. Don't say yes to the first time he asks you out. You don't have to say no, but like bonus point if you do.
Seriously, no matter how badly you'd like to say yes to his offer to go out for a drink/date the first time he asks, you always play the busy card- but you, "would LOVE to get together next week!"
He needs to view the life you lead as exciting and busy. You don't want to be the girl that waits all day at home waiting for his call- ew, seriously don't even do that IRL.



2. don't make it more dramatic or built up in your head than it needs to be.
If he cancels or you never hear from him again? Screw him. There's like 6 dating apps you could potentially pull together a date for tomorrow from. He's not worth worrying about and clearly it wasn't meant to be. And to be honest it's good you find out before getting emotionally attached.

and to add to that...


3. Don't be needy out of the gate. If he- within reason- needs to reschedule, don't let it seem like it bothers you. If you're one of those girls who's like "I show my crazy from day 1..." I wish you well my friend- but I have tried that cars and it doesn't work for me. Just try to pretend your a little chill, even if you have no chill.

Even if you already have your blow out, your nails done and your peach waxed. Make other plans with your friends and say "no worries!" And fucking mean it.
There is nothing worse than seeming like a stuck up bitch from the gecko.


Speaking of waxed peaches...

4. Ladies- it's so true. Pussy is power.
The longer you can hold out, the longer they are kept around! It's that simple. Biologically, since the cave men days, men are the hunters. Don't let them get it right away or they have nothing to chase.
But like if you're not trying to have him stick around and you need to get laid, do it- and quite frankly then you don't have to hear from him again. We have needs too, fucking duh.
Speaking of sex..





5. So if you're reading this and you're like "Omg Gab this is so not politically correct, it's 2016 women and men have equal rights!" again, fucking duh. But I am just giving you MY dating rules, ok dude? so chill.
I will say this however-- when a woman has sex she has legit chemicals that are released into her brain that make her like super emotionally attached to the guy. Don't believe me fucking read this shit. Men on the other hand are fucking pigs.


6. Ok last thing. Stroke his goddamn ego. *This is the hardest one for me considering I hate most men* But compliment him until you want to gag, without being annoying-- thin line. And if you are on a date, even though he will try to be inquisitive; ask all the questions you can. Because it A. makes you seem hella interested in him and B. like legitimately takes your lust and wonder out of the situation to realize if this is a normal human worthy of any more of your time.




7. Ew and I guess I should include this,
Beeee niiicee Gabbb. It's hard for me to be nice on a daily basis let alone a date.

But like this is my biggest flaw and where I need to learn to soften up, hopefully living in Colorado will teach me the skill of not being an uptight bitch with the sass of an over grown cougar, but only time will tell.


8. Positive things happen to positive people, and positive energy attracts other positive energy, just like water seeks it's own level. When you look at a glass of water, half of the water is not at the bottom and the other half is at the top- it's all in the same spot. Whether the glass is half full or empty- it's all fucking relative. 
It's the law of attraction and something I have been aware of forever but am just starting to truly understand. If I am an asshole all the time and a fucking Debbie Downer, trying to pull people down (which I tend to be sometimes) positive people are naturally repelled by me because they don't want to be weighed down by me. Thus never inviting a positive male into my life up until this point. So positive vibes y'all (even though it's fuckin kill me) 


Well that's it. 8 simple rules for dating my 20something self. 
I have had quite an odd mix of dating experiences. And at the beginning of this post I said that entering the dating world has been the worst decision of my life- y'all I was totally kidding. Dating has been a fucking blast. 

There is this moment before I go on dates where I am so nervous I feel like I am going to die (because I have extreme anxiety) but it is in this moment I feel so fucking alive. I can't worry about anything else except what is about to happen in the next couple of seconds and it does literally feel like I can not take anything else but then you know what? I meet the guy and I just have a date, the anxiety subsides and I am back on my two feet. 

We can't run from these moments or suppress them with technology. I am so happy to be living the life I live and quite, frankly, single and ready to mingle! 

But I will say, we live in a generation where fuccbois run ramped and we can't let white rich males take over everything, including our love lives. Literally though, spot a fuck boy say no boy bai. Not worth any bit of your time.

Just remember you are a  kween and should be treated as such.

And if anyone fucks with you just walk away. The world is your oyster 20something females so go and get yours


And remember never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Not Him 2016.

One day my children will ask me where I was and what I was doing on this day...

I was watching CNN and slowly panicking, kids.
Yesterday, I wrote "I don't know what the future holds for me" today I write the same thing in a more dire status.

I am frightened. I am astonished. I am outraged.
"one of the most stunning upsets in America's history"

I have listened and watch CNN for the past several hours as numbers roll across the screen determining the future of america.

I sit here now with a prayer candle lit and a crystal beside me hoping that this election is not over. It is 12:13 MT and the election is still up in the air but it is in favor of Donald Trump, there is no doubt about that.

I haven't recently had much to write about, I also stated in my previous post, but right now my fingers are typing faster than my thoughts are going.

I refuse to live in a world where Donald Trump is president of the United States. I am a 26 year old white female, who works two jobs and still lives at the poverty level because I am a full time volunteer making a government stipend.

I don't just talk about politics because it is fun lively conversation. I sit face to face with America's poverty every day and the people who work so hard to alleviate it. For the past three years this is what I have dedicated my life to... Making America great again. I believe Donald Trump does nothing to make America great and I honestly think he embodies everything that is currently wrong with this country. He talks about how rich greed has taken over the white house, but he is white privilege. He is a two faced bully.  He has no political experience whatsoever.

I am so tired of people weighing in on politics who in their day to day lives don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. Or the people who went and helped out one time in Africa so they care about things and are a good person....


Like I said, I'm a 26 year old white woman. I don't have much to fear with the outcome of this election. I don't worry about getting shot, or deported, or having a wall built that blocks me from my family. I do have to worry about men thinking it is ok to degrade women and thinking it's not a big enough deal to not get you elected to president. I am 26 years old and I thought I might get to see the first female president. Now I have to fear being a female which has already caused me so many insecurities that many men will never know or understand. And now my right to choose what happens with my body may get taken away from me to, so I have that to fear as well.

It takes years of hard work to build anything, let alone an empire, but it takes two seconds to knock something down. I have spent 4 and a half years working on not taking a drink of alcohol and one shot of vodka would ruin all of that. Donal Trump is recovery's one shot of vodka.

I don't want this for the children of tomorrow. I don't want this for my god daughter, the girls I babysit, my little cousins, the children at my schools.

It's not fucking funny and it's really serious.
BBC News just said, "Welcome to the Twilight zone."
LIKE DID THE RUSSIANS HACK IN WHAT THE FUCK.

So what's next, we get Mexico to build a wall?

If I am as upset about this as a white female who comes from an upper middle class white family... I can't imagine how the people feel that are deeply affected by this.

I refuse to accept this person as my president. He is everything I am against. I hope I am not alone in my passion for not allowing this person to destroy this great nation.

America I do dabble in tarot cards but let me tell you, I don't need a fucking crystal ball to tell you that shit is about to hit the fucking fan. And honestly, at this point I am ready to go. Per my experience white middle school boys I am really good at discipling and yelling, so if I need to back hand some fellow Americans I accept the challenge. 

Monday, November 7, 2016

I Miss you and I Love you

Truth- I have fallen into a deep dark reality TV hole and it has stopped me from writing.
I am currently watching the Vanderpump Rules Reunion after watching the whole season... Sorry. I'm. Not. Sorry.
but like I am sorry for neglecting my writing.


My two guilty pleasures currently are Bravo TV after work and listening to Sam Hunt while driving to Denver on the weekends....
Who am I?!

Writing is a practiced skilled. If you don't do it everyday it's hard to stay in the habitual motion of getting your thoughts on to paper. I definitely send emails everyday? And I write reports? So like I am writing? But no not really. I definitely know the past year has not been my best in tending to my blog and I hope to do better.

Obviously I do have a lot of things I could be writing about.

The transition from Philly City girl to Rural Northern Colorado country girl has been interesting...
I love it and I hate it.

I love the mountains. I don't have a skyline with tall buildings anymore but on a clear day I can see the snow capped Rocky Mountains perfectly defined, which is uh... pretty fricken cool. I am constantly driving around totally mesmerized.


I live in kind of a weird part of Colorado. I'm in Northern Colorado and it probably isn't the landscape you think of when you think of CO.  I don't live in the mountains, I live in straight cow town. It literally wreaks of cow shit on certain days throughout the whole county... Like it's know for being smelly.

It's mostly flat and I live about an hour from any mountains. But it's super cheap to live here and I am in a very central location. About an hr to both Boulder and Denver and 30 minutes to Fort Collins.

Aside from the aesthetics it's been a big change. I know everything about Philly. I can get anywhere on my bike in 15 minutes or less, on my own, without getting lost. I know all the bars and clubs I like to go to and when is the good nights to go to them. I know all the neighborhoods and I have at least one friend in each section. HERE I barely know the layout of my own town, Denver continues to baffle me, and I don't even have a bike anymore. It's not unusual to drive a total of four hours in a weekend.

It's exciting to be exploring a new place. I feel like I've gotten to know my small town well, I can get to the store I need to without a GPS or anything. Some parts of Denver I have a good understanding of whats where but Denver  is confusing to me. It's super big and it doesn't need to be. Sometimes I look around and I'm like the only person on the street which is SO BIZARRE to me coming from Philadelphia.

The thing that is probably the most difficult is not living super close to any of my friends anymore. Luckily I moved to a state where I knew I would know a lot of people. I came here on my own and by myself but I have a good amount of friends who live around here which is great. But a lot of the people who live here I hadn't seen in yearsss. I have changed so much in the past four years alone and I know my friends have too so it's like getting to know my friends all over again. But that's going really well and it's been great catching up with everyone.

However, in the past four years I made some fucking awesome friends in Philly and I miss them so so so much. Now I can't only drive to them but I'm not even in the same fucking time zone. It's just difficult. I made the best fucking friends in Philly I CAN.NOT.EVEN
























And sometimes it's like really shitty. I have luckily only broken down crying twice at home alone and once at a meeting. I just wish I could have brought all of my friends here with me.

Honestly- Because I haven't been writing a lot lately it's hard to harness what I really want to say about life right now.

Colorado is definitely my next chapter, only time will tell how long I will actually be here and what the future has in store for me.


I think back to three years ago when I was living in my first apartment in Philly, and really my first apartment on my own again. Moving into that apartment I didn't know what was in store for me. I pray and hope I am not in for as much heartache and pain that year brought me. It was a whirlwind.
Life still is a whirlwind but because of all the craziness that has happened in the past few years, this year has been smooth sailing.

Colorado, let's see what you have to offer.